FOR TO ME, TO LIVE IS CHRIST AND TO DIE IS GAIN.
PHILIPPIANS 1:21 ❤ Verse on Biblehub

WHEN I DENY JESUS

Some years back, Keith Wheeler was a guest speaker at our church. He is the man who, since 1985, has carried a 12 foot wooden cross through 175 countries on all 7 continents. Keith shared some stories from his journey with us, and one in particular I will never forget.

He told us about this little old man who lived in one of the villages, who was forced to walk back and forth in his bare feet across burning white hot coals because of his faith.

But when this man met up with Keith walking alongside the road, he could hardly stand still. Expressing incredible joy, he shared his story. I thought maybe Keith was going to say this man’s joy stemmed from surviving the whole ordeal. 

But NOPE! Can you guess?

He exclaimed joyfully, “I didn’t deny Jesus! I didn’t deny Jesus!”

As I sat there listening, I teared up and whispered to the Lord, “I will never deny You either, Jesus!”

Immediately, I felt this piercing sensation in my heart. I heard God softly whisper back, “But Donna, you deny Me everyday.”

Then the floodgates burst open and the tears began to flow. The Lord knew I was going to be there that Sunday. He knew exactly where I would be sitting when I declared with pride in my heart that I would never deny Him. And He took the opportunity to lovingly shine His light on my heart.

PETER DENIES JESUS

I think out of all the characters in the Bible, I tend to find myself identifying with Simon Peter the most. The pride, the fumblings, the mistakes. When Jesus told Peter he would deny Him three times before the Rooster crowed, the disciple declared:

“Even if I have to die with You, I will never disown
You.” And all the other disciples said the same.
Matthew 26:35 Verse on Biblehub

Instead of listening and asking the Lord to help Him through whatever was ahead, he rose up in self confidence and denounced the warning.

I myself can shout from the rooftops that I love Jesus and will never deny Him. But when I make everyday decisions, especially when no one is looking, am I following through and acting on my profession of love and trust for Christ? Or do I disown Him in the quiet spaces of my heart?

I was learning to trust God at the time but would find myself holding back in some areas in which I desired a certain outcome and wasn’t sure what God’s will was. This led me to continue building on my shaky self confidence. And just like Peter, crazy talk started pouring out of my heart and mouth.

After I told Him I was sorry that morning in Church, Jesus flooded me with His grace. But instead of continuing to focus on my denying Him, He spoke to my heart about honesty instead.

Isn’t that so God? He shined His light on the underlying cause of my behavior so I could find healing.

GRACE AND TRUTH 

Am I truly walking in His truth and light? God is a good God and doesn’t expect perfection because that isn’t real and attainable. But what He does desire is honesty. 

Walking in God’s light takes trust in Him and honesty about myself. Which means relinquishing confidence in myself and leaning on Him even when I don’t understand. 

It took leaning on God’s grace with all he had for this little village guy to survive the torture. He was so confident in God coming through, that even impending death could not entice him to deny Christ. His trust in God came from his daily abiding in the Lord’s truth and light, which strengthened him. 

Then here I come along and I hear this beautiful story of his faith. And immediately, with stinking self confidence, I pretty much announce to God “Meh! I would do the same in that situation!”

FINDING FREEDOM AT THE END OF OURSELVES

I’m reminded again of the story of Peter, this time in the Courtyard. (Luke 22:54-62)  (Matthew 26:69-75)

The Bible tells us he ran out, weeping bitterly. I have so been there.

Weeping bitterly is ugly crying. You know those moments when its not just the snot that is running out of us. But the pride and self righteousness, too. Those moments when we finally come to the end of ourselves and make room for God’s peace to flood us.

I’ve had to come to the end of myself so many times, I don’t know why I don’t just stay there while I’m ahead. We really are interesting creatures, aren’t we?

The Lord had foretold of Peter’s denial, just like He already knows the exact timing of my next great epic mistake. But when it came to pass for Peter, Jesus never reprimanded him.

All the Lord had to do was look at him with love. There is something here that the Lord is trying to convey to us about our hearts and our consciences. A lot of times, we do it to ourselves. And, like He did with Peter, Jesus looks on lovingly until we repent and He feels invited in again.

A HOUSE DIVIDED

We are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16) and we can grieve Him if we are a house divided on the inside. When the Spirit leads us one direction, do we continue to insist on going our own way?

We hear funny stories about homes being divided because of separate loyalties to rivaling football teams. That’s all harmless fun and games. But in real life, a house divided cannot stand. (Matthew 12:22-28) Ask any married couple. Where there is not one vision, there will be division.

When we are double minded, we are not flowing in wholeness (integrity). This weakens our stand (resolve) and will cause us to faint from exhaustion before the real battles in life even begin.

Integrity means: The quality of being honest. The state of being whole and undivided. Uncompromised.

His grace and truth always flow together. They cannot be separated or His grace will be misused.

“Look, the one whose desires are not upright will faint from exhaustion,
but the person of integrity will live because of his faithfulness.”
Habakkuk 2:4 Verse on Biblehub

At one time, Peter had self confidence.

This kept his heart distant from Jesus. But despite all his pride and stumbling, I am so encouraged when I see Peter rise up as a bold, faith filled follower of Jesus Christ in the Book of Acts. Because I know if God could do this for Peter, than He can do it for me. Peter’s new ‘God confidence’ made him bold in Christ, even to the point of not being afraid of prison or death. I don’t know if I will ever make it to being that bold. But it all begins on the inside where I abide with Jesus.

Here I am many years later. With God’s grace, I’m still aspiring to line up my walk with my talk everyday so I can be strengthened in the Holy Spirit. Perhaps you are there, too? Let’s pray for each other so Jesus will help us keep our hearts soft (and squishy) for Him!

Thank You, Lord, for Your grace and truth. Grace that refuses to leave us where it found us and lifts us up out of the muck and mire. And Your truth which continues to grow us up and sets us free. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Much love xo

What good is it for someone to gain the whole
world, and yet lose or forfeit their soul?
Luke 9:25

❤

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