Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid;
do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your GOD will be
with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 NIV ❤ (Read Full Chapter)

Be Strong and Courageous – Joshua 1:9

Remaining Strong in the Hard Times …

At the end of each year, I ask God what he wants to do in my life in the upcoming year. He’s always been faithful to let me know. He does so by laying a certain word on my heart to focus on, and as the year unfolds I’m reminded of that word.

In 2018, my word was renew, in 2019; genuine, (being totally honest with myself) and my word for the year in 2020 has been brave.

The definition of brave is:

Having or showing the mental strength to face danger, fear or difficulty: having or showing courage.

Some synonyms include the words: courageous, fearless, lionhearted, unshrinking and determined.

Those are some pretty strong words!

One of my favorites is lionhearted … personally for me it would be lioness hearted.

At the beginning of this year, I wrote these words in my journal: “Be brave, step out, trust God. What animal would I want to be? A lioness! Whatever God has planned for me in 2020, He wants me to face it head on. Be brave. Trust Him. Be brave and trust him, be brave and trust him. Be brave and trust Him!!“

Many of my journal entries end with me repeating the main focus a few times. It helps to drive it home in my mind and heart where it will carry me through.

Little did I know (along with many others) what I’d have to endure in 2020.

I lived with and helped to take care of my eighty six year old mom who had COPD. Her lungs had steadily declined over the last few years, so my biggest concern when Corona hit was I would not bring it home to her. I clean homes and offices, and some of the offices are clinics. At first, I was fearful and apprehensive. I started wearing masks as well as gloves to every place I cleaned whether anyone was there or not.

On April 27th, God dropped Joshua 1:9 into my heart. After that, every time fear and apprehension tried attaching themselves to me, God reminded me of this verse and peace would come as I repeated it out loud, thanking God that He was with me wherever I go. (Side Note: Out of respect for others, I still wear masks in public.)

As I sat in my bedroom writing, my mom would sleep in the living room in a hospital bed.

On Saturday, November 7th, my mom had a bad fall in the bathroom, which resulted in an ambulance ride to the hospital. She spent several hours there while they conducted many tests and then I was able to take her home. The following Monday I received a phone call that Mom had tested positive for Corona. I was so shocked! Having done everything in my power to not bring it into the house, there I was having to face this demon. I said to my sister, “How? How in the world would she get Corona!?” To which she replied, “Church. We went to church.”

We decided not to tell mom she had Corona because we didn’t want to frighten her. She knew she had some pneumonia. So I just played on that as I wore masks and gloves, checked her temperature often and watched for any signs that would require hospitalization.

“Be strong. Be courageous. God is with you wherever you go.“

The following Saturday, she was too exhausted to even get out of bed. So we called the doctor who suggested Mom return to the hospital. She spent four nights there which felt like a million to me. I couldn’t even talk to her because she was too weak to hold the phone. The nurses truly are pulled thin there, so no one was available to hold the phone for her. Finally she was released and my son and I picked her up and brought her home. The entire time she was in the hospital, I asked God not to take her home to heaven from there but to please let her come home.

“Be strong. Be courageous. God is with me wherever I go.“

The first two days home from the hospital were difficult, but then her strength steadily began to increase. But that only lasted five days. Exactly one week from the time she came home, I began seeing signs of decline. Thanksgiving day she would be coherent, enjoying everyone and then her eyes would glaze over and she would stare off into space, sometimes mumbling. She could no longer hold a crayon.

I know when oxygen levels are low, confusion can take place. However, her levels were not that low. When I took her to bed that night, (she required a wheelchair and assistance) she asked if she was getting up for the day. I told her, “No, Mom. I’m getting ready to put you in bed.” Her oxygen level was not low, so I knew her confused question didn’t make sense.

“Be strong. Be courageous. God is with me wherever I go.“

The next morning, I called the doctor and shared what was happening. She told me to call my sister because we had a decision to make. The choice – the hospital or hospice. Immediately we chose hospice. There was no way we were letting Mom go back to the hospital where no one could be with her.

We always knew this day would come, but still I was not prepared.

Six days went by since I started this post. The last time I wrote here was Saturday, December 5th, at 8:20 am. After saving the draft, and before leaving for work, I went to the living room. Mom was having what we called ‘an alert moment,’ so I bent down, and said, “Mom, isn’t God so good!?” To which she replied, “uhuh”. Then I said, “Jess is here, Darrell’s (my brother who’s already in heaven) oldest daughter. I can go to work with peace knowing she is here to take good care of you while I go to work. I will be back before too long, okay? And I love you.”

“Be strong. Be courageous. God, You are with me wherever I go.“

That was my last ‘alert’ conversation with her and I thank God so much for that ‘golden nugget’ moment … one of many God granted me.

Later that morning she talked to her sister on the phone and at noon my brother fed her ice cream – her favorite. She then slipped back into sleep. That night many family members gathered together in the kitchen as mom slept in the living room. It was just like any other family get together. There was much chatter and laughter. Christmas music played quietly. It was beautiful. Most of us had a special moment with mom that night. There is no doubt in my mind that she was there with us, enjoying her family whom she loved so much. I even said to my brother, “I wonder if we weren’t all here together if mom would just go be with Jesus?”

Jesus came and ushered her home in the early morning hours of Sunday morning.

The last nine days of her life felt like months to us. It’s all still very surreal to me. The quietness and emptiness of the house is excruciating! I know I’m going to grieve the loss of my mom until Jesus takes me home. But at the same time I rejoice in the beautiful way God took her. No pain and suffering except the last two days and then it was minimal. He gave us special moments with her. Many friends from church, including the pastor and his wife, were able to come see her and talk with her before she slipped into her incoherent days. Each one of them prayed for me as well and I felt greatly loved.

Mom’s memorial was priceless. All of her children and most of her grandchildren and great grandchildren (and even her one great great grandchild) were all there sitting in church together for the first time. She had always hoped for that day. Mom was an awesome prayer warrior! And all her family sat and listened as the pastor told stories of mom’s faithfulness to pray for all of us.

The Sunday morning God took Mom, I had woke up between 3 and 3:30. As I sat on the end of my bed and prayed, I asked God if He would give me one more ‘alert moment’ with my Mom. I wanted to tell her I would take the mantel of prayer from her and be faithful with it.

I never got that moment. Towards the end of praying, and with great sadness in my heart, I lifted my hand toward Heaven and said, “God, I will take the mantle of prayer from Mom and go forward with it.“

I wouldn’t be surprised if at that very moment, both God and Mom placed the mantel in my hand as I lifted it up.

One thing I do know for sure is: God is Love!

I originally was going to write a post about love because it’s the Christmas season when we celebrate Jesus birth. So I was surprised when God laid Joshua 1:9 on my heart instead. Then as I wrote, it occurred to me, it is ALL wrapped in love – God’s love.

God’s love for my Mom, God’s love for me and God’s love for all His people.

God bless you this Christmas and always …

Be Strong and Courageous – Joshua 1:9 @freshgracefortoday.com

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